| "Sorry Dad.....It had to be done" |
[Nov. 26th, 2008|10:02 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | venting | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sad But True - Metallica | ] |
*Sighs*
(LONG POST COMING DOWN)
That's what I kept saying inside my head,when I confronted my dad about what just happened earlier tonight...
-I've probably mentioned this plenty of times about my older brother(the asshole)and how my dad would put him over as "the shit" and stuff,well he's actually here in Puerto Rico for a visit,and knowing his track record here especially with me and how he's fucking treated me growing up,I've reached a point that I'm done with dealing with him,to be perfectly blunt -as much as it will hurt my dad and I would never hurt him- I don't want to be around him,or even talk to him...eventually I will have to see him face to face as much as I hate his fucking guts and existence,if I would tell you all the shit he's really done to me growing up and my dad being fucking blind and dumb he let him get away with it,I'd be posting until the beginning of '09 but I won't.
-Ever since before he was even coming over here to spend thanksgiving here,it's all been one shit storm of stress over not only my mom but most of the family,just fucking drama that's unnecessary,and all I've been trying to do is to simply avoid trouble,avoid a confrontation that I might snap,and just release all that pent up rage and fucking wail on him and spit on his face,to make it worse doing that in front of his 5 Year Old Daughter,she's not responsible for all the emotional damage and strain that He caused me,my mom and even sometimes my dad,that's why I did what I did,to mostly avoid doing that.What I basically did was I was out most of the day I was tired because I woke up very early in the morning to meet up with my life coach(as part of the whole Job Placement program I'm in currently) at El Canton Mall in Bayamon (Please Don't Ask me why there) he did what he always does,talk to me,ask some random questions and wrote my answers down on his wordbook,We were mostly done with the meeting around 11:30am to noon,took the train home to catch some sleep at least and watch Tropic Thunder again on DVD,then My dad was saying that he was coming over again,he already was here yesterday and I really didn't want to deal with him,so I went out to San Pa of all places to just get away and stayed there for a couple of hours until they've left,so around 5ish to 6pm I literally walk home from San Patricio to my house,I stopped by the Ben & Jerry's close to the train station to rest and just in case they were still there and just wait until he left,so I go home and I don't see his rented car,so I figure he was there and left,and I was really tired and just depressed for no reason and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire,then I find out that He was actually on his way over to the house and I wanted to fucking split,but it was already 8pm so I had 2 choices:
a)Deal with his ass,doing my damnedest not to snap and fucking go off on him in front of his wife who's one brick short of a whole load,the lights are on but there's nobody home,you know what I mean,his cocked-eyed mother in law who's really a pain in the ass to deal with and my 5 year old niece who I adore,one of the actual good things I have to admit he's done well and also I don't want her to see her uncle bitch slap her daddy in front of her eyes and also at such a young age.
b)Just go to my room,lock the door and stay there until they leave,therefore avoiding confrontation and adding even more fuel to the fire and causing a scene to make himself look like a victim in dad's eyes (LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES).
-Yes I chose B and as much as it hurt my dad mostly and hurt me a bit I stood by it and still stand by it,if my older brother would have been raised by my mom,growing up then we wouldn't be like this,we could have actually gotten along,and I would have been glad to see him,he would have been a great person to be around but it would have really been nice and also it would make my relationship with my dad even tighter and much better than it is now,Please Don't get me wrong,I'm very fortunate to have a father that does care and he's been awesome to me but he sometimes does things that make you go "dammit" but still I love him for it..but whenever he starts praising my "brother" like he's the fucking Dali Llama it sickens me,not because I'm jealous,I'm not really or ever been jealous of him,but the way he portrays him like he's the fucking shit,the measuring stick of what a son is..when he's really an asshole who's waiting for my dad to kick the bucket and take everything and keep them for himself..That's why I have a very personal beef with him,because he takes advantage of my dad and my dad lets him...and he's above all of us,we mean nothing to him..
-I stayed in my room most of the evening,my dad got plastered and when they left I came out of the room and headed to the kitchen to help out my mom wash the dishes,and there was my dad right there,just completely hammered and pissed at me because of what I did and that I should be ashamed of my self for not even saying hello to him,that he came all the way from the states to see "us" and I was being a complete disrespectful asshole for not having the courtesy of even saying a word to him.(yes in a way despite all the booze talking it made sense but knowing myself,I did what felt right and also I really wasn't feeling well and I wanted to rest,what really pissed me off he was insisting that I MUST SEE HIM AND SAY HELLO!)a part of me felt bad and really sorry about my action but the other part was like "FUCK IT! YOU DID THE RIGHT THING,YOU MANNED UP AND YOU BASICALLY ARE TELLING YOUR DAD THAT YOU'RE NOT TAKING ANY MORE OF HIS SHIT ABOUT RICARDO ANYMORE!" so it was 50/50 thing I ended up hurting my dad's feelings and also standing up to him for his constant praising of Ricardo as the "Golden Child".
First Born my ass! yes he is first born but also a Grade A Douchebag!
Criticize me if you want,what's done is done...if I get punished and shunned by my own dad for what I did,then so be it.
if he would only know all the shit I've been put up and went thru because of that motherfucker....then he would understand why I was so cold to him...
if he can handle the truth,then I'll say why because this has been going on for far too long,and it's time that he opened his eyes and see the truth.
*exhales*
at least I got some of it out of my system,I still have to deal with Ricardo ugh!
anyway,I'm out,happy thanksgiving
-Terryman |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
terryman's journal
accomplished
sad
